8 Oct

You know, as soon as I think I get used to this idea of “feeling” without the use of mind-altering medication something occurs and a new feeling creeps up and more times than not I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to just FEEL. By no means am I going to take something to deal with it, that is certainly not the answer and that thought actually did not cross my mind to do so. It is just that since I stopped using I have been forced to feel… that has been the hardest part, well next to the whole withdrawl process.

I have so much going through my head. So many things that I am feeling. So many things I wish I could explain, even if just to write it out and have NO ONE see it just so I could better understand within my own head.

I wonder is it possible to feel LOST in some respects, but to also feel happy about it and have this feeling that comes with the help of someone else just through conversation? While lost and freaked may be some words to describe what I am “feeling”, I also have a smile on my face, and a sense of hope and excitement of what “could be”, what “may be” and even I think of what “could just remain the same as it is now” (although the first two make me smile a little more).

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