Archive | October, 2013

New beginning

12 Oct

The following song has been ringing through my head… By Semisonic…

Closing time
Open all the doors and let you out into the world
Closing time
Turn all of the lights on over every boy and every girl

Closing time
One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time
You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from
Closing time
This room won’t be open till your brothers or your sisters come

So gather up your jackets, move it to the exits
I hope you have found a friend
Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end, yeah

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time
Time for you to go out to the places you will be from

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
I know who I want to take me home
Take me home

Closing time
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGytDsqkQY8

Feeling

8 Oct

You know, as soon as I think I get used to this idea of “feeling” without the use of mind-altering medication something occurs and a new feeling creeps up and more times than not I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to just FEEL. By no means am I going to take something to deal with it, that is certainly not the answer and that thought actually did not cross my mind to do so. It is just that since I stopped using I have been forced to feel… that has been the hardest part, well next to the whole withdrawl process.

I have so much going through my head. So many things that I am feeling. So many things I wish I could explain, even if just to write it out and have NO ONE see it just so I could better understand within my own head.

I wonder is it possible to feel LOST in some respects, but to also feel happy about it and have this feeling that comes with the help of someone else just through conversation? While lost and freaked may be some words to describe what I am “feeling”, I also have a smile on my face, and a sense of hope and excitement of what “could be”, what “may be” and even I think of what “could just remain the same as it is now” (although the first two make me smile a little more).

Driving myself crazy

7 Oct

Driving myself crazy with the “could there, would there, is it possible, what do they truly feel” feelings going through my head…. Ugh. I don’t know if anyone would even understand. I want to escape my own mind today.

Lost

7 Oct

I am feeling lost today. I think I am scared to admit why, although it is becoming clearer in my own head.

Read the following today; seems kind of fitting in a lot of ways.

8 Reasons Why People Feel Lost in Their Lives

1. Drift Syndrome.

When we can’t figure out why we’re doing what we’re doing, or how we ended up working the job we’re working, a sense of “drift” settles in. It seems that instead of planning out our career, we just drifted along the tides and eventually found ourselves here. Or perhaps we had a plan, but lack of follow-through and/or a few of life’s hard knocks changed it, and we just drifted along. The truth is, most of us drifted to some extent into whatever it is we’re doing. I know precious few people who planned out every step and were able to remain untouched by the chaos of living to go precisely where they wanted to go. Nonetheless, feeling the “drift” is an emotional trigger for feeling lost.

2. Too Busy for Passion.

If you’re passionate about your main job, that’s great. But for many people, their job is a means to pay the bills, not an outlet for their deeply felt passions. But if we always think we’re too busy with our jobs and other parts of our daily routines to pursue anything we’re passionate about, then feeling incredibly bland, if not lost, is inevitable. I’m a firm believer that every schedule needs some time carved away for passionate pursuits, whatever they may be (music, art, writing, movies, volunteering, etc). If you’re always too busy for passion, the proverbial “rut” awaits you.

3. Can’t Locate a Purpose.

Right alongside passion is the necessity of perceiving that what you do has a purpose, a meaningful reason for being. One of the side effects of the knowledge worker revolution has been that many people work on discreet tasks that appear detached from a larger sense of purpose, and their supervisors feel no obligation to connect the dots (if they even know where all of the dots are and what they mean themselves). It’s hard to get motivated about the meaningfulness of your position when you have only a shallow sense of why what you’re doing contributes to the big picture. This may be one more reason to seek out a passionate sidebar, because it may also offer the sense of purpose you’re missing.

4. Social Support is Vacant.

How many of us are plugged into social networks that offer real, substantial support? More frequently we’re socially organized around hobbies and sports. Those networks may be great for talking over the specifics of our pass times, but they don’t offer vital connections between people who come to rely on one another. We live our lives largely untethered from others except for very specific needs, and this is contributing to a sense of isolation — one that’s ironically growing at the same time online social networks are exploding.

5. Cognitive Overload.

This is probably the easiest on the list describe, because it affects all of us, and with increasing intensity. We simply have too much on our mental plates day-in and day-out to manage effectively. Without a quality external system for helping to manage it all, we can’t help but feel overloaded, and that contributes to a feeling of being out of sorts with the responsibilities and demands we face endlessly. Our brains didn’t evolve for nonstop information-driven, consumerism-driven, technology-laden societies, so we have to find tools to offload our cognitive load, or sink.

6. Distractions Fragment Focus.

About once a day I look at my iPhone and seriously consider throwing it into oncoming traffic. We have an abundance of ways to stay “connected” at our disposal, but hyper-connection invariably leads to attention fragmentation. When we can’t focus our time and energy on any one project without being distracted by our smart phones, email, news alerts, TV and everything else that’s barreling at us, then it’s natural to feel detached from the project and, quite possibly, lost about how to get it completed. We’ve got to lasso in the distractions to get quality work accomplished; there’s simply no other way to consistently get work done and feel good about the outcomes.

7. Bad Diets Fog the Mind.

By now we’re all well aware that our cultural obsession with fast food is leading to an obesity epidemic, and a slew of related health problems like diabetes, high blood pressure and coronary artery disease. But there’s also ample evidence to suggest that the amount of saturated fat, sodium and simple carbohydrates we’re ingesting is taking a toll on our ability to think clearly. Over time, deficits in speed of thought and memory can become major contributors to feeling lost, particularly if we look back on a time when those abilities were so much sharper than they are now. One more reason to stay away from the drive-thru and start making food at home.

8. Media Representations Create False Expectations.

We always seem to fall for whatever “perfect” and “ideal” representations are produced by ever-opportunistic media minds. Whether it’s the supermodel look, or the Lexus everyone deserves to have waiting for them in their driveways at Christmas — pick your poison — it’s all commercialized fantasy. When you find yourself trying to measure up to the fantasy and, of course, fall far short, it’s depressing. We think, “If that’s what ‘success’ looks like, then what am I?” Note that the effect is so insidious we’re usually processing that question in our minds without even consciously thinking it through. Over time those questions can lead to feeling lost. But they don’t have to if we can remind ourselves that “selling” is the prime mover of every commercialized fantasy we see. Without a buyer, the craftiest ploys of the seller are meaningless.

Originally posted on the “Forbes” website.