Archive | September, 2013

Emotions

29 Sep

Sometimes the struggles of disappointment are too much to bear so we set our minds to act as if we aren’t bothered by it. In actuality, internally, emotionally, it couldn’t be further from the truth and the anguish burns deeply within us like a churning sun. A hot ball of fire burning angrily within the layers of our souls, slowly and painfully terrorizing our thoughts and forcing us to carefully calculate our every move for fear someone will ask us if we’re doing okay. Afraid to say no, so we say yes, we are now liars in an already destructive and sometimes dishonest world.

Wouldn’t it be easier if we just let our emotions run rampant through the wind in the same way dandelions scatter when forced to through puckered lips? Why do we suppress these raw emotions on the outside yet let them ping pong relentlessly throughout our veins? Is it better for us to keep our feelings under the lid and allow them to violently boil under the surface? Better for whom? If we think we can’t deal with the honesty externally then why do we shove it down so deep internally? As if our pockets weren’t already full enough. By doing this we allow ourselves to ruin our the deepest layers of our being. Its destructive path throughout ourselves only deepens what is already damaged. Sometimes the ugly parts of life is what helps our beauty stand out.

The above words written by a friend, the above words felt within my own soul and true of myself.

Quite a year

1 Sep

September 1, 2012 I made the decision I was going to truly get clean and get off the medications and drugs… No really this time. I stand here today 365 days later drug free. ONE YEAR.

This has a year of change in many regards. Life changes. Positive ones. And I will continue to move in that direction. Life may insert speed bumps but I shall continue to grow and go over as I am able.