What not to say

5 Sep

Apparently the answer of “I don’t give a fuck anymore” when asked about life is NOT the answer to give a licensed therapist. Her first question was should she admit me to a mental hospital. When I said that wasn’t necessary she asked if I was suicidal, my response was no. She said she felt she needed to put me on some sort of suicide watch and had me give her TDMs phone numbers so she could cal whenever she wanted to make sure I was fine. Thus far she hasn’t called TDM and I hope she doesn’t. Had to tell TDM when I got to the house in case she got that phone call.

I was at the point today that I just didn’t give a shit anymore. Having your therapist tell you for the second time that you are the worst case she has had is NOT easy to hear. I know so many others worse off than myself. Hearing the 84 year old therapist say that just made me shake my head. My time at my appt could not have gone slower, I just wanted out. I don’t feel it’s helping, I feel like internalizing would work better since this talking crap isn’t doing anything.

Oh well, that was my appt today and while I very much wanted a drink or a pill tonight I refrained from both, so today makes a whole 4 freaking days clean, sucky number, but alas better than zero I suppose.


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