Replacing one with another

2 Sep

The title has a few different meanings of late.  Not sure I can type them both out or not.

The first would be replacing the pills with alcohol.  I have not done this many times intentionally.  I did do this last night.  I very much wanted to “not feel” and so in lieu of taking medication, I turned to alcohol.  Wrong reason to drink.  Do I think that it is okay for me to drink on occasion “just because”, yes I do… not sure if that is okay or not for a recovering drug addict.  What I do know and REALIZE is that drinking because I want the pain to stop is not something I should have done, not something I should do in the future.  For this reason I will begin my count again at 0.

The other replacing one with another that seems to be coming to surface in my head is replacing “family”.  I emotionally don’t think I can explain this one any further at this time other than I need to not try to “superimpose” myself into another’s family.

Almost at the time of day where I can say its been 1 day.  Today has been low key.  I took a nap this morning.  I took a nap this afternoon.  My head began hurting this afternoon and I do believe that is because of the weather, as it did not hurt this morning, so I don’t think it is due to drinking last night.  I have managed to get some more of my paper for school done.  I have been trying to get to the bottom of my financial nightmare and have been able to talk through and get some suggestions from a friend.  At this present moment it looks as though my best option to get to the bottom of the rest of my financial issues is to take a loan from my 401K.  I was able to get some big amounts of the debt that was not mine turned over to the person who’s it was, through signed affidavits that stated it was indeed not mine.  Also started looking at craigslist for a place to rent, as I know that my desire to own my own place cannot happen at this time.

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