2 Aug

I am either sinking further and further into a state depression, or have mono.  All I want to do is sleep… I am teary eyed quite a bit and feel like talking to no one and just shutting the world out… so probably depression and not mono.

It’s weird to be feeling this way just days after returning from the HIGH of a the 3-Day in Boston.  The 3-Day is place where people understand how to treat others, where there is  a unstopping amount of hugs available, where you can sit and reflect and know that others know what you are going through. 

But back to reality and this week has been tougher than weeks past and I am trying to get a grasp as to why that is.  I came back from Boston and went back to TDM’s house.  My safe place.  But still not “my home”.  I don’t have a place I can call “home”.  And I think that is sinking further and further in.  I met with a loan officer today and right now can’t qualify to buy a home as my debt to income ratio is too high because of some debt incurred to help my brother months ago that I am having to pay.  Also have a collection notice on my credit report that has to do with a surgery I had, so I have some stuff to try to clean up on my credit report and some debt to pay off before I can qualify for a loan for a home; disappointing news. 

Also frustrated as I was told I can no longer work out of our Maryland office which was helping me tremendously with being able to work longer hours and actually get more done as it is so much quieter up there.  Don’t really know all the reasons behind why I can no longer do that, all I was told was that I was hired to work out of Virginia and that is where I need to work out of.  Frustrating in that half of my department gets to work out of that office, but we were all hired to work out of the “main” office which is Virginia, should be the same for everyone, but alas it is not. 

I am just feeling more and more lost… and just don’t know… just lost

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