Livestrong

13 Jul

862 days ago i put this on and have not taken it off since:

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Many know or actually own a Livestrong bracelet. The bracelet that came to be because of a program intended to raise money for cancer research, raise cancer awareness, and encourage people to live life to the fullest.

862 days ago I took this bracelet off of my mom after she has passed and placed it on my wrist where it remains today. I had given it to my mom and she had worn it the last months of her life. This week I have noticed a tear in the silicone about a third of the way through. I am so incredibly fearful it will tear all the way and fall off, but I can’t bring myself to take it. Not that I physically need a reminder of my mom, not a day goes by that I don’t think of her… And this is simply a piece of silicone, but to me it seems to be so much more. Yes, I could go buy a new one, but that would not be the same. This is the one mom wore through the end of her battle with cancer. It is what I have worn everyday since she lost that battle. I am sort of at a loss as to what to do. For now I will be as gentle with it as possible and not fidget with it and hope that the tear does not get any bigger. I can’t seem to let this go.

PART 2:

I sent a friend what I had written who does not know about my blog.  She lost her mom to cancer almost a year ago and we share a lot of things in common although are 3,000 miles apart.  Here is what she wrote:
There are a few ways you could view this.. Obviously you have touched on a few of them already.
Do you remember wish bracelets? The string ones with a single bead and when it fell off, was lost, tore or disappeared… It meant that your wish was about to or had come true.
The tear may be your moms way of letting you know that it is time to let go (that may sound harsh but that was of course not how it was meant). She knows that you will never forget her, she knows she will forever be in your heart in your soul and in your mind. The piece which is so symbolic and that which you don’t want to let go of (the silicone bracelet and what it stands for) is a reminder of the hardest life lesson and struggle you ever had to endure… Watching your mom pass and knowing there was nothing you could do to take her pain away.
I would either… Put it away for safe keeping or wear it as you usually would without being ginger about it… Allow it to fall off and (if it happens and you see it, put it away. And if not, it was her way of letting go) go forward with life.
My words may resonate as what you may not want to hear… But I do of course understand…. My thought of the bracelet and being extremely careful with it is this…. The bracelet symbolizes life… Would your mom want you to be THAT careful in life? Watching every move and being paranoid? Or would she want you to go on with your day to day life… Living (maybe not with reckless abandon, but at least enjoying life and taking chances)
Any way you slice it… The bracelet, the views of what it means to you and only you… Is yours to do with as you please… Like life. You can either be guarded… Or be free.
Those, as crazy and straightforward as they are… Are my thoughts.
Please know… I do take lightly what the bracelet and the sentiment behind it signify… I get it… I do. I dont want you to think I dont.

What she wrote is what I NEEDED to see, not necessarily what I wanted to, but it was reality and she made some excellent points.  I do not know if I will continue to wear it until it falls off or if I will take it off and put it somewhere like in mom’s memory box.

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