End of birthday day

3 Jul

Again, start with the positive, lots of great Facebook messages and texts for my birthday. A nice card from dad with cash(our typical gift although it was more today so I could buy a camelbak for my 3-Day events.) A busy workday that made the time go quickly. Wonderful dinner with an amazing friend.

So now I sit and am in the midst of anxiety attack. Why do I let Joey’s behavior upset me so much. I came home from work walked in was given the finger and a “fuck you”. Blew that off at the time, went to dinner with Allison. Came home and my dad gave me the card from himself and handed me a card from Joey which read “You’re one year closer to finding out if there really is a god and heaven and angels and shit or if worms are going to slowly eat your decomposing ass while you rot in a box. Eeesh. Good luck with that”. Signed with just a J and had a dollar in it. I handed the dollar to my father as I broke out in tears and came upstairs. Yelled at his bedroom door that he is a fucking ass and barricaded myself in my room. If I wasn’t such a mess I would pack a bag and leave but I can’t stop crying. I am truly hurt.

And as poorly as I feel right now, I am more worried about my father. He does not often see the tears or anxiety attacks, I tend to hide those from him at all costs. Tonight I was unable to. Dad will be 74 next week, not in the best help, has a son whom he is worried about and now has both his kids at odds with each other. I can’t just shake off the way Joey treats me, but want my dad to be okay.

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