Lessons learned and learning…

16 Jun

Things I have learned over the past 114 days (and honestly starting a few months before that date) and continue to learn each moment:

  • Taking pain medication to feel “numb” is not the answer.  Feeling is something that has to be done, regardless of how hard it can be at times.
  • Cutting to relieve stress and anxiety is not the answer.  Leaving visible scars does not help the internal non-visible scars.  There are safer ways to relieve anxiety and stress
  • Opening up about the past is hard, but can be a good thing.  Continuing to internalize is not necessary always healthy.
  • Talking about the past can help in knowing that you are not alone and can help gain perspective.
  • Sometimes those that are closest can hurt you the most.
  • Trusting people with your heart is okay, as long as you do so with a little caution and know that the person you are trusting will never hurt you.  There are people in this world that will not hurt you and will be your friend regardless of what you tell them.
  • Having courage is important.  Having courage to change the present is important.  It is not easy, but it needs to be done and waiting is only causing more stress and anxiety and causing me to live in an unsafe environment.
  • True friends really do want to help and I need to learn that it is okay to let them.  It does not always have to be that feels that I need to help others, it is okay to raise my hand and say, yes, I do need help and thank you for your offer and YES I will take you up on it (those this refers to, you may be hearing from me and you know who you are).
  • We create our own family in some ways.  I believe there are levels of friendship.  I have different stages of friendship with people.  I have a select few that are more than friends, they truly have become my family.
  • I am the only one that can change my appearance.  I am unhappy with my weight, I need to change this.  I have begun, in the last few weeks the weight has begun to come off.  I have a long way to go, but I am ready for this journey and look forward to the outcome.
  • Going to school full time and working full time is taking it’s toll, but I CANNOT stop.  If all goes right I will be done May 31st of next year.  I truly do want to move back into the Accounting field and that is my plan once I receive my degree, especially if things remain the same at work as they are now.
  • Faith is important.
  • Photography makes me happy, I need to do more of this.  The peace and joy I feel from taking photos is unlike any other feeling.
  • It is okay to put myself first at times, do not always have to put others first.
  • I deserve to be happy, I really need to ingrain this into my head and start to believe it daily, not just at times.

114 days drug free, 22 days no cutting

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