29 Apr

Aside from the head pounding on and off yesterday, the weekend has gone as planned.  Studying, playing ball with the pup, petting the pups, studying, playing with the pups some more, studying, oh yeah and playing with the pups.

Managed to improve my preassessment score for my Fundamentals of Organazational Behavior and Leadership class by 14 points, improving in 5 out of 6 categories.  I feel good about that.  Still have studying to do before the final exam tomorrow at noon.  Hopeful to pass the final and not bomb it, because if I do indeed pass that means the month of May I am school free as I will not have time to begin another class before the semester ends on May 31st.  I could use the month to prep for next semester’s classes and try to “get ahead” instead of falling behind like I did this term.  I really need to try to get as many classes in the next term as I possibly can.  I am determined to finish my degree sooner than later, I really want the Bachelor’s and want to be able to move on career wise instead of this “stuck” feeling that I currently have.

Onto a different topic.  While I am still successful in counting days for my absence of drugs, and am proud of that, my other issue seems to have multiplied.  The cutting and scratching and picking to the point of bleeding has become worse… but is a stress reliever… albeit not healthy I know in the back of my head, not something I am having any luck conquering.  More antsy than usual, I know this is in part to the psych cutting back on my meds, I also think it is because I am realizing more and more what an unhealthy environment I am living in.  Also weighing on me heavily (no pun intended) is my weight.  I am starting to eat better, at least trying.  I have started walking in the evenings, not any huge amounts, but walking nonetheless.  The knee isn’t liking the extra weight nor the walking much, so it is hard.  I know it sounds like an excuse, but it is hard to work through the pain when I know that I cannot resort to the pain killers that actually take the pain away.  I meet with the orthopedic this week to determine if surgery is indeed the answer for my knee that sustained the brunt of my fall 4 weeks ago.  Will taking out the torn cartilage benefit me or will it not make a difference since there is so little cartilage in there anyways.

So a lot on my mind, apparently so much that my TDM said to me that this morning that she noticed I was being quiet.  Not used to having someone be able to read me like that.  So when she returns this afternoon perhaps we will talk.  For now, I will continue to study, and login to fix some issues at work that I just got emailed on.

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