This “feeling” stuff

12 Apr

This “feeling” stuff is awkward and unusual for me.  I have felt that I have been in a weird mood the last few days.  It took me until last night to realize what it could be.  I figured out that I am PMSing.  While I was on “medication” my PMSing was really just like any other day.  I didn’t have mood swings like I have had the last few days.  Don’t get me wrong, I still had moments that I was moody, but not always necessarily around that time of the month.  So here I am “feeling” and trying to go with it, but it hasn’t been easy.  I feel that I have been short with true friends.  Co-workers have gotten on my last nerve this week, and I have just wanted to bitch-slap them at certain points.  I have got to figure out how to deal with these feelings without driving important people away.

Today marks 49 days.  I don’t count the days on a continual basis in my head.  I find that the more I think about them the more I crave, so I try not to dwell on it all the time.  I stopped and counted last night when I came to the realization of the PMSing issue.  Think I may go to an NA meeting either Sunday or Thursday next week.  I need to go back, they were helpful, not sure why I stopped going other than the person I was going with stopped, and so I did too (not a good reason I know).  For now I will just focus on staying clean for today, as the NA tagline is “Just for Today”

The motto of NA also reminds me of my favorite song from “RENT”, “No Day But Today” 

LYRICS:

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this moment’s not the lastThere’s only us
There’s only this
Forget regret– or life is yours to miss.
No other road
No other way
No day but today

There’s only yes
Only tonight
We must let go
To know what is right
No other course
No other way
No day but today

I can’t control
My destiny
I trust my soul
My only hope
is just to be

There’s only now
There’s only here
Give in to love
Or live in fear
No other path
No other way
No day but today

 
 

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