The Enabler

2 Apr

The subject of family is a hard one for me at times. Particularly when dealing with my brother who is 6.5 years older than I am.

I love my brother dearly, but at 40 years old he has no sense of financial obligations and takes advantage of people to include family and friends.   I know he has struggled with my mom’s death and got into some heavy drugs to try to mask his feelings.  He ends up in the hospital 9 out of 10 times he does crystal meth.  The blessing was he lost his health insurance in December so to my knowledge does not do the heavy stuff any longer, but I know he has an endless supply of valium because a friend gives it to him.  He quit his job at Lowes a while ago, he divorced his husband.  He tried to make do with his own business and fix my dad’s house up.  Dad gave him over 40K for house renovations, I don’t know where that money went, but the house is only partially done… I assume he used it for his drug habit.  He then got a job at a kitchen place in Vienna, worked there for several months and then just up and quit one day because he felt that the company was overcharging their customers.  He doesn’t have a job, hasn’t had one going on 9 months.  When he did have a job I have no idea what he spent his money on.  I do know that it wasn’t to pay bills as the phone at the house just keeps ringing with bill collectors calling for him.    When he started the job in Vienna he needed a new computer which he asked me to purchase with my company discount and he would pay me back with his first few paychecks, that didn’t happen.  He made a few small payments but nothing big.  In September it was found that he owed over 2K on his car loan (had not paid it in 3 months) I took the money out of savings to pay it as my dad was afraid he was going to have his car repossessed.  My dad paid his car insurance for the next 6 months (which is now due gain next month) and paid a few other bills for him.  I paid his car payment each month which was over 600 a month up until last month when I finally said I could not do it anymore.  I felt good about saying no, allowing me to limit the “enabler” title. Then I received a call about his student loans as I was listed by him as the third party who could discuss/help with his loan issue. I now have $150.00 coming out of my account monthly to pay his student loans. While I am still an “enabler” at least the amount is lower.    He owes me over 6,000.  He owes my dad over 10,000.  I don’t know that I will ever see that money.  My father continues to give him money, my father has paid the car payment this month, don’t know if he will continue. The dog just had big surgery today (technically Joey’s dog) but I agreed I would foot a third of the bill since we all benefit from her in our lives, unfortunately for me I ended up paying the whole bill (Joey had no money, dad well I don’t know).

Giving up my savings was hard as that is what I was going to use to pay for school instead of continuing to take out loans, since I am saving in rent since I do live with dad, I wanted to take the opportunity to pay for school and to begin saving for the downpaymet on my own place.  Now that I am not paying his car payment my goal is to build the savings back up and buy a place this summer.


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