Fears creep up…

29 Mar

In helping a friend come up with a subject to write about for an english paper, one of the subjects that came up was about gun control. I was immediatley flashed with images as to why I don’t believe in guns, why I can’t stand them and why I will never hold one (never have, don’t plan to).

I try not to remember my childhood at certain parts. They are painful and I have suppressed them for so long that I am not even sure I remember a lot of it anymore. The one thing that I cannot get out of my head was watching my dad try to shoot himself in the head and making my brother and I watch that. I vividly remember sitting in the stairwell to the basement and looking through the 2 by 4 wood railings to my dad standing on the concrete of the basement with a gun to his head while my mom was upstairs screaming on the phone to 911. My dad would have been successful had the gun worked. He pulled the trigger many times from what I can remember. Each time I heard the trigger I closed my eyes. That is where my EXTREME fear of guns comes into play and why I don’t believe in them. I saw what one almost did to my own father.

While we do not have a gun in the house (to my knowledge), I get nervous that when my dad gets in a “mood” that he would try to do something like that again. He definitely has his “moods”. He goes through spurts where he gets so mad he throws things… sometimes at me if I am standing there… sometimes just across the room. This has gone on for as long as I can remember and still to this day. Don’t get me wrong, I love my father and I know everyone has mood swings.

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